The school child who always finds herself seated next to a classmate who is prettier, more popular, more personality laden has a terrible cross to bear.
It’s the same with birthdays. They are all wonderful fun, but when it is the next birthday that all eyes automatically turn to, the number becomes a little problematic.
So my celebrations for this year will be kept a little low-key. It will be an introverted time, spent speculating and internalizing. It will also be a thoughtful time, celebrated with a select few.
But next year I will be 60. Things will be a little different. In fact, I have a list.
I want a parade.
It will have many horses – Frisians in particular. Aubrey loves those proud and gentle creatures.
Marching bands are fine – but I want all formations to show an obvious Busby Berkeley influence. All routines must be submitted for approval.
Floats must be of a very specific kind. No themes. No flowers. No prizes. All animals. They must feature surfing cats, skateboarding dogs – vice versa, if possible. Entire floats with nothing more than groups of kittens or puppies. One float must have an aquarium, filled with otters. This is an idea of what I’d like to see.
The route of my parade will be undetermined. I think it should be improvised.
I will be at the end, like Santa Claus. On my Frisian, riding English style and dressed in a riding habit, ca. 1898. Top hat, veil drawn. I’ll be ignoring everyone, because that’s part of my charm.
And then we’ll have a party. I’m pretty sure of what the menu will be, but nothing is confirmed. Pizza, potato salad, and a possible mile-long mezze. Aubrey loves her hummus.
Unlimited drinks. Guests are free to choose an existing cocktail, or compose their own.
Anyway, you have your year’s warning to begin strengthening your stomachs. Because I don’t think there’ll be room to construct a vomitorium.
If you’re reading this you are probably already on the preferred guest list. I am working on a new method of inviting – not arriving via mail or the internet. With this new method, the invitation – date and time – will suddenly be in your thoughts. It will be as if a pleasant idea suddenly appeared in your memory. But if this doesn’t work, maybe I’ll employ talking birds.
The start of the celebrations will be indicated. But the end will not be specified.
Because the party never ends.