I have decided to make this is a far-flung announcement…a vast and distant solicitation…a remote provocation…a far-off summons. To those of you familiar with the accumulation of mileage between their homes and Aubrey’s many-tiered château – you are invited.
You are invited to Aubrey’s domicile – wrapped in balconies and charm – to celebrate the fact that she has been clever enough to live another year.
You need not worry. Since her age is so towering and ridiculous, clearly the theories of space and time continuums mean nothing to her. She only needs to know that you want to attend – and really, how could you stay away – and your travel will not be a problem. She’s tried this before, and while there were some glitches – some emergency landings, some turbulence, some roundabout tracks (hopefully those concerned enjoyed Alaska – hey, whales!) – but Aubrey has had a year to practice, so your travel will be taken care of with the happiest of arrangements.
And if you live close to Los Angeles, why are you reading this! Start shopping!
Yes, shopping. Aubrey has a list. This is not to seem mercenary; rather, it is to save the invitees from any embarrassment. Suffice to say, the majority of the preferences will fall under the category of Adornment. And kittens.
And remember, adoration only requires a minimum of wrapping.
There will be no dress code at this party, save for the most important one – Aubrey insists on Fabulous. And ladies, if you forget to take your tiaras out of the Tower storage, just let Aubrey know your preferred design, stones, height and she will lend you something delightful from her shiny collection.
As for food, no one need worry about disappointments. Each person’s place setting will be full – and re-filled – with that individual’s favorite foods.
However, anyone who chooses to watch their calories at this gala will be politely invited to eat in the hallway. Dieting depresses Aubrey.
There will be entertainment. There will be dancing – the downstairs neighbors have been duly warned. They have come to expect this sort of mischief on June 6.
One year, Aubrey had to take all the pretty gift satchels filled with money down to the precinct to bail out all of her jolly participants. It was too embarrassing, dear ones, and it cannot happen again.
However, birthdays will happen again. And again, and again.
And you will be invited to them all.