Today Aubrey adds another year to a bracelet of days that is already thick and unwieldy. If hours were charms, then jewelry would…oh, forget it.
I’m in my fifties and I’m tired. Tired of accumulated numbers. Tired of age. Tired of youth scampering around me and spinning donuts on my lawn. I’m proud to say that I refuse to age gracefully, but it does take a toll on one. It makes me tired.
So this year, I think it is time to celebrate my weariness. And what better way to rejoice in the spirit of inertia than to throw a…
And everyone is invited! Put on your flannel jammies and bathrobes, your snuggies and slippers, your nightgowns and nightcreams (Aubrey trowels on an ointment of queen honey, milk and antique roses harvested by maids using diaphanous hampers so as not bruise the petals. By the way, tiara-privileges are for the birthday girl only). Curlers and hairnets are welcome – all of the features of nighttime reconstructive coiffures.
Please come visit, do. Pizzas will be stacked like cord wood, hovering over our heads like towers of…Pisa. The bathtub will be swimming and brimming with ice and bottles of champagne. Boxes of candy will be provided, with the nutritional information torn off. I promise you, we will eat and drink ourselves positive sleepy.
We will play records – petite, pink, plastic record players will be provided. Aubrey will be especially grateful for any Nancy Sinatra/Lee Hazelwood duets.
In addition, there will be the celebratory Pillow Fights. Pillows for sleep are allowed only. Decorative tassels look nice until they put someone’s eye out. Pillow-lobs, pillow-dunks are not allowed. Said pillow must stay within the grip of the combatant for the duration of the fight.
I don’t need gifts, but I like them very much. Please leave them at the door.
So come to the Aubrey domicile dressed in patterns of bunnies, ponies, unicorns, puppies, kittens – covered in the soothing textures of cute (real-life representatives are also Welcome). Let us unite in the universal resentment of times’ procession in the best way possible: by ignoring it.