Please come to my house tomorrow, for a most wonderful meal. I’ve jerry-rigged physics and magic, twisted physiologies and psychologies in order to mix together a delightful, gilded feast.
And you are invited.
I don’t need to give you the address. As soon as you accept my invitation, you’ll know the location. It’s called e-mind, and I paid quite a bit for the format. You can thank me when you arrive. Gifts are not necessary, by the way, but cheese is always welcome. Aubrey prefers her cheese sharp and complex, like her men.
Tomorrow’s menu will be endless: renovations will be consistent and constant. Dimensions flatten and lie down, to allow for a table that goes on forever, and that will never be empty. My table allows for countless plates and an eternal seating arrangement. You will not be able to see from one end to another, but have no fear: you will be able to hear any conversation clearly and beautifully.
About dinner talk. I of course encourage gossip, affectation, musical laughter with one’s head delicately thrown back, low and scandalized tones, wit and sarcasm. I embrace your mannerisms, lovely people: come to my apartment bearing them like adored children.
About dinner wear. I’ve made a deal with science – eat what you want, and your waistlines will not expand! So please, indulge in your pretty silhouettes: break out your corsets and girdles; your streamlined tuxedos, your dresses with nipped in waists and hips. I have guaranteed that you will be sated and stunning throughout the evening.
About dinner fare.
The rims of champagne glasses will be dipped in chocolate. Marzipan dragons, phoenixes and all manner of legends will stalk the table-cloth. Breads will be studded with sultanas, cherries and edible gold. Butter and honey so yearn to merge with these products of distant bakeries, that they barely touch the knife before melting in edible bliss. It would be useless to describe the fruits and vegetables, as they have not been heard of in this hemisphere. I chose them for my wonderful meal because of their color, shape and gem-like facets: for their mythical, Scheherazade qualities. They were chosen because they were not cooked carrots, which Aubrey does not like.
About dinner ware. Carved from pearl and tawny bakelite there will be oyster, fish, salad, entrée and savory forks. There will be soup and custard spoons. And knives too, for butter, meat and fish. They are polished so bright that you will not only see your own face in them, but other faces as well, from distant stories, from unheard-of times. Sherry, champagne and wine glasses spark and link all the way down this promised, fabled table.
About dinner gifts. Something fabulous waits for each guest, but don’t ask me what – they vary wildly, and are known only to you. It becomes evident only as you choose your place and sit down; and then it materializes: your most desired and extravagant present.
Light will not be clear and vacant; it will be apricot and pomegranate – sapphire and oceanic – bronze and cadmium…and always flattering. Shadows will not be your own. Look out my windows – the sky – for the evening of my wonderful meal only – will be heavy and spiked with stars. An aviary of constellations will watch us celebrate.
So please visit me! Escape the sounds, sights and tastes of a world harnessed to reason, and sit at my mythic table.