Ooo! Shiny City!

I've just completed five frivolous days in Las Vegas.  I love Las Vegas.  Or more (im)properly, the Las Vegas Strip.  It is unabashed, a spendthrift:  a parade of wattage.

Las Vegas is also tolerant.  It accepts all kinds, all levels, all classes and clasps them to its opulent, false bosom.

Yet, everytime I go, at the end – like at the end of every holiday – I'm left wondering how it could have been better.  This particular trip had aspects that were both good and bad.  I've assembled some points to illustrate.


Boyfriend went along!

Our cab driver that drove us to Paris:  she was a bisexual, and a justice of the peace (licensed via the internet).  She offered to marry Boyfriend and I, en route.

Mandalay Bay Hotel's 'Beach'.  Simulated sand and waves:  it was hard to drag Boyfriend away from the falsified beach experience and back to the authentic monetary loss opportunities in the casino.

MBH has a wonderful aquarium:  I favored the golden crocodile; with its rough-hewn checkerboard pattern of yellow and black.  I didn't think it needed at all to improve its shining tail.

Coming back to our room on Monday night to find that 'Dirty Harry' was on.  At every instance of Harry Callahan-justified act of violence, Boyfriend and I chuckled appreciatively.

Discovering the 5 cent machines (Boyfriend's limit).  My favorite:  'Da Vinci Diamonds'.  I always did well; perhaps it sensed that I was an art major.  Boyfriend's favorite, however, was 'Hot Flashes', which featured purple-haired harridans, credit cards, make-up and caricatures of young men in red speedos.  I don't know what it sensed about him.

Winning $100 on a game that involved chickens.  I got 77 free spins.  I apparently had got 'Eggcited!'.

Waking up at 6AM to the sound of pounding on the door across the hall.  A girl was bellowing 'Let me in!  Let me in!'  It wasn't difficult to figure out her situation:  having completed her Walk of Shame, she was trying to get back into her room, but her roommates were passed out and unable to open the door.

The cheese plate with chutney at the Bellagio Buffet.

Forgetting the procession of days.



Getting a glimpse of one of the girls from across the hall running down said hall wearing only a thong.

The terrible attraction a simulated beach has for Young Adults.  MBH positively reeked of them.

The Girl From Ipanema in the olive bikini stepping off the elevator to go to the pool.  Most people just went down to the beach level.  I believe she was going to make her rounds through the casino, however, first.

Girls, when your dress is so short that I start to pray you have invested some finances in panties stock, your dress is not only 'so' short, it is too short.  You look classless and silly.

Not a single restaurant bore the following sign:  'Patrons wearing any article of clothing that would indicate to the management that they have just got out of the pool will Absolutely be refused service.  Show some respect, people.'

Not having the time to do some serious shopping.  Ceasar's Palace, we hardly knew ye.

Waiting 2 hrs (and looking at the same people for 2 hrs) for the Bellagio buffet.  After turning the 'final' corner and still seeing an endless line extending before you, I then announced, "And this is where you shoot yourself."

Babies and strollers on the casino floor.  It's just not right.  I'm not talking morally:  I'm talking visually, aesthetically.

The cabbie who tried to involve us in an intense political discussion.  He was rather truculent. (Even though he drove a cab – HA!)

So there you have it; my Vegas experience in 20 easy steps.  Go when you can, won't you, and perhaps I'll see you there – because I'll most certainly go again.


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20 responses to “Ooo! Shiny City!

  1. More cash out than cash lost makes it officially a winning holiday. How fabulous.

  2. Oh Vegas, how I love thee. Let me count the ways: the fake bird music, piped from the trees, the enormous room full of easy chairs, with fat men inside them watching sports on banks of screens (and some 'almost sports' as well), the vacant faced wedding couple in full meringue dress and morning suit, sitting slack jawed and feeding money into adjacent machines and who can forget the gloriously magnificent Liberace Museum!

  3. It is an amazing place to visit! Hubby is in love with the place. I love approximately the first 3 1/2 days, then I have to get out!The crowds start to get to me. But, that said, hubby and I leave Sep. 20th to four days at the Mirage. We will see Cirque shows "Love" (1st time) and "Mystere". (5th time?)We will see Jay Leno and Stomp. We will pig out and wine out and hopefully hubby won't crap out. ;)He plays craps, I enjoy blackjack. Now I will add a trip to the Mandalay Bay aquarium to visit the Golden Crocodile. He sounds like a doll. There is also a trunkfish I need to revisit in an aquarium at Caesar's Palace. He has become rather a friend. Along with his seahorse buddies. I am glad you had a good time! 😀

  4. Woweee, sounds like so much fun!

  5. [هذا هو الحكم]

  6. Oh dear, M will now want even more than ever to marry in Vegas *hides post from him*. I love the sound of the city but don't know if I could marry there… but if I could get it over with in a cab in five minutes – result!!!Kate – almost a sport, eeeee.

  7. Only you could make me swallow Las Vegas willingly in several easy gulps–the crass, the fake, the ridiculous, pure humanity of it. I love your brain.

  8. It sounds like so much fun, the good and the bad together. Now I want to visit too…

  9. that was a nice little treat to read!

  10. Vegas in a nutshell. Rather, some of Vegas. Been there several times myself (as a former resident/traveler in the region) so if you do make it there another time, check out Fremont St. (old-time Vegas). The light show is amazing and the gambling odds better. 🙂

  11. Ah, BF liked it. Aubrey did good. I'm sincerely happy you two had a shiny time. This is a great write up! I get that you get Vegas. I feel the same way about Disney World.
    Fear & Loathing aside, I had fun there on my recent 2 day visit.
    I wanted to stand on top of the Flamingo sign, …..singing with Tom Jones, …..wearing spandex gold lame'. ….Maybe next time!

  12. I ADORE Vegas.Hubby and I went there for an anniversary. I have been with a friend, a bunch of friends (two of whom had a lovely, lovely wedding there, not at all tacky — followed by reception at buffet), and I have been away far too long.The buffet at Paris is my favorite — regional French foods, or just a crepe across the way.Singing gondoliers inside a shopping mall, roller-coasters, lions and tigers (no bears yet), wonders (and 99 cent booze) around every corner. It is glorious excess. It is the id made manifest and yet safe.

  13. There are classless and silly people in Las Vegas? Say it isn't so! 😀

  14. This is the first time I've been tempted to go to Vegas.

  15. Foxie: Want. To. Go. Back. NOW.
    Kate: 'Full meringue dress' – hooray!!
    Lauri: Go to the aquarium by all means. But don't get too friendly with the piranhas (kept in a carefully supervised open tank)!
    Gamba: Wowee is Vegas' middle name, you know.
    Doug: Yes. We all wish Las Vegas a long, glaring, shining life.
    Beauty: I wanted to lay the smackdown on those little girls, I'll tell you what.
    Bobble: If only I had taken note of her name/cab #, I surely would have passed it on to you!
    JP: "the crass, the fake, the ridiculous, pure humanity" That's it, JP, in a nutshell – people don't recognize the humanity of the place, perverse as it might be.
    LM/Ms. Pants: Might it be too predictable of me to suggest a Vox Vegas meet-up? Just sayin'.
    WBaby: A couple of years ago, around Christmas, we saw the show downtown: lights, acrobats, singing! And to make it all the more festive, I won $134 at Binion's.
    pyrit: A singing, golden pyrit? What will the tickets go for – would I be guaranteed a front row seat?
    LT: Really, is there any human emotion/condition that Vegas does not explore?
    Paxton: I fully realized the many illusions I'd be destroying when I wrote that.
    Purplesque: Then my job is done.

  16. You did such a good job of encapsulating the wild contrasts of Vegas. It's a crazy place.

  17. Wow, now I don't even have to go to Vegas any more. It's really good to be back to your beautiful writing. Now all I need is a new kitchen (of course, after we find a new house), a cup of tea and catching up with reading your blog.

  18. You make me want to reconsider my Vegas Avoidance. Perhaps I need to go with you who appreciates the decadant depravity and not my usual friends. They would be the girls across the hall from you. Did they look like they were in their 30s?

  19. I'll be there the first weekend April, definitely, for a friend's wedding (and preceding Days of Destruction), but perhaps before then. You should go and join in the debauchery!!

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