And lo, on the first day of the third month from the quarter of year of the three syllables, there came a Beast.
Riven from the depths, roused from the dark, dragged from the deepest well of closet space, where the frail and timid Aubrey was loth to venture – nay, only when the skies did frown and the winds did bite dare she trembling cross the fearsome threshold, that she might gain a wrap, or coat, or sweater, or even a snappy windbreaker.
So it was on that day when Aubrey was inspired to wander once more into the deep of that great and terrible place. And lo, did she look, and lo did her brow furrow and her soul tremble. Knoweth she well that the clean doth abide with the godly and get did she see naught but filth and clutter and things she really wasn't interested in keeping anymore.
And she did toil, that the closet might smell sweetly once more, that its walls might be visible again, that its foulness might disappear forever and that the clans might rejoice once more.
And behold, did Aubrey drag forth journals of ancient papers, cloths of many years, boxes and mattresses, and yea did they share much age together.
Yet anon, when the DVD player doth play, and Carnivale doth appear on the TV screen – which Aubrey did verily glory in – did the Beast appear. Of legs there were six, of antennae there were two, of thorax there was one, of eyes there were legion; its color was that of the earth: yea, did not the ancient rune sayeth that such hordes shall one day inherit the earth?
Aubrey was stricken mute with terror. God Pan liveth, for Panic yet there was, but even so did Aubrey remain motionless and full of fear. Yet after it did show its compound eyes to the bright world, the Beast did disappear. But though the word had vanished, yet did its meaning remain. And Aubrey was afraid.
Then did the blessings of reason cool Aubrey's feverish mind. Then did clarity of thought become as a crystal through which the light of comforting thought may shineth. Forsooth, the Beast may not leap as the cricket of terrifying memory. And the Beast doth not jump as the click beetle, which maketh waste to acres of human endeavor. Verily, the Beast doeth naught except look disgusting.
And so did Aubrey gather the courage of her ancestors, of Italy and Russia, and so did she arm herself with the mighty flyswatter of Antioch. And verily, did she wait.
And when the Beast did once more appear, lo did Aubrey smite upon it again and yet again, until the Beast was still and dead, and layeth in many pieces. Then did Aubrey look down upon it and yea, did she cry upon the defeated Beast:
"HURTS, DON'T IT?"