I Am Not A Photogenic Person

I've known this for years.   But when I reviewed our Catalina pictures last night, this particularly tiresome fact was hammered home with particular violence.  Kids, there will have to be some MAJOR editing before I even consider posting any photos here.  I mean, I could mark the post as 'possibly containing offensive material', but I have vanity in my veins, and even that won't suffice.  Anyway, I might grin, but you might not be able to bear it.

I mean.  Where is the necessity of smiling?  It does awful things to my face – makes my eyes small and my nose big.  And yet it is always insisted upon.  Who needs that?  If I knew photoshop, I could put the head the head of an ass on my neck, a la Puck.  And I could live with that.

What I will say is that our time in Catalina was a wonderful one – there were four of us in our party:  your servant, boyfriend, my parents…and 12 pieces of luggage.  And a surfboard.  You know how cityfolk are, when they go a-travelin'.

The weather was glittering…I remember looking down onto the harbor Quite Early One Morning, and marveling how the silver water merged with a sky of the same silver.  The sun heightened the color of an already colorful city – many of the buildings have their original tilework from the 1920's; those that don't have reproductions, based on the original designs. 

Sunday night, we walked to the Casino, barely 1/2 mile.  Lights from the ballroom shimmered onto the water, and christmas lights were draped around the upper terrace.  Inside, it was marvelously festive – our table was right on the dance floor, in the inner sanctum, I like to think.  This is what comes from making winter plans in the depths of summer.

It's not easy to pretend to ballroom dance, but we did.  Boyfriend even taught me how to twirl correctly – I always twirled out, when a proper twirl…oh, never mind.  It was just important that the twirl was accomplished - I had a red dress on with a full skirt: I had to take advantage of it.

Anyway, in the crush right before midnight one couldn't move to any great extent, anyway.  We had positioned ourselves under the net of balloons, and when the clock struck, and the net opened, we were engulfed by colors and colors of balloonosity.  After that, there were examples all around us of egregious Balloon Violence:  people hitting and slapping them; stepping on them – everyone bent on balloon destruction.  I saved five, tied them to a streamer, and brought them back to the hotel.

However, we decided that they were too cumbersome to take on the boat, so I draped them around the ceiling fan of our room.  It seemed right.

Right.  I'll end this, I think, with the only truly beautiful picture from this trip.  I took it of this lovely blue heron, waiting patiently on the rocks outside the Casino for lunch to swim by:

 

Happy New Year, and may goodness follow all of us, from heron in. 

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12 responses to “I Am Not A Photogenic Person

  1. I don't like smiling for photos either. I smile more than enough in real life, and I always look like a grinning idiot when I smile in photos. *shudders* I'm sure you're more photogenic than you think (that Santa photo was great!), but I wouldn't post a picture of myself either, so I respect your choice. still… I'd love to see that red dress with a full skirt."colors of balloonosity" – what a lovely image! Happy 2007!!

  2. There is just something about my face that will not support a smile.
    I suggest that we griM and bear it.

  3. Aubrey, as one non-photogen to another–I sympathize completely. As a result, I will do anything to get out of having my picture taken. I've locked myself in bathrooms, put my hand, napkins, books and other people's heads in front of my face. I've made faces and stuck my tongue out. I tell people I don't show up on film and need to get back to my coffin. Anything. The paradox is that I am (by other people's assessments) really pretty. I say Yah, as long as I'm moving. The veins in my neck strive for full 3D effect when I smile for pictures. My smile is crooked. My nose is–well, I am also Italian, paisana mia. Just run but don't sweat–that's the only tactic.

  4. Today I had to get extra passport photos for my 'Nam and Cambodian visas. There is nothing like a passport photo from Walgreen's to crush your self-esteem and make you feel like the most hideous person on the planet. Somehow the lighting brought out the sublayer of skin where all the capillaries and fatty deposits hang out. It's a good thing they are for temporary visas and won't hang around for 10 years in my passport. Blech.

  5. Bah, I absolutely hate pictures of myself, also! I do think we are unduly harsh when viewing ourselves, though. At age 50 plus, I am finally ALMOST at the stage where I really do not care what a pic looks like. I can force myself to share! :)In ANY case, twirling at midnight and being gently bombarded by balloons…well, it sounds like a perfect evening!I am glad you had such a lovely time!

  6. AmyH – regarding my most recent passport picture, my mother remarked that I looked like a refugee from Eastern Europe. What am I to say to that? Because she was right!
    Lauri – it WAS lovely. I hereby invite all my peeps to Catalina to celebrate New Year's Eve '07!

  7. How awful of me to neglect the utter magic the evening must have held! Sounds divine, Aubs.

  8. Here's my theory – there is no camera in existence that can capture the pure essence of beauty that emanates from Jaypo, Aubrey and all of us peeps (I didn't want any of us to be left out). It is not that we are unphotogenic. The technology is inadequate. We should all have our portraits painted by the old masters in order to do our features justice.

  9. Most excellent theory, Amy! Rabbits are naturally photogenic, but even for us, digital photography can only do so much. A proper portrait of one's Royal Disapproval is always better. A CO group portrait, now, with all the pups and buns and kitties and so on, plus their peeps, would be something to see. Someone should put together a collage of some kind — we could send it out as our holiday cards for 2007…?Aubrey, if it's all right with you, I am going to co-opt your memories and pretend they're how I spent the new year. Utterly delightful and no resemblance at all to my current reality!

  10. Indy, when I imagine a group CO photo, my mind always comes up with something like this.
    Co-opting should be OK, but I'll have to find out what the rate per diem is. My people will get in touch with your people.

  11. Rofl at the school photo, Aubrey! And, Indy, I LOVE that idea! How fun that would be!

  12. Aubrey, that is exactly the sort of photo I had in mind! We could almost just 'shop in the furbabies. And maybe just a touch of holiday color. Someone in the 'hood must be skilled at this sort of work, surely?

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